the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
