you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
