I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
