Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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