The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
