u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
