it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
