I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
