i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
