so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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