My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
