I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
