im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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