Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We need to rekindle our bromance
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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