Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
