So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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