Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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