nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
