i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
