note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
