that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
