What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
