He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
