dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This is the high leading the old right now
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
