Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
