we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
