Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
