i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
