I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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