Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
