I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
