i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
