the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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