This is not my ceiling
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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