i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
