Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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