I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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