she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
