Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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