Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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