is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
