oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
