So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
