Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
