Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
