I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
