Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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