I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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