i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
