Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We named our party play list daddy issues
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
