Even the bartender felt bad for me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ladies don't puke and tell
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
