Will you blow on my dice?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
