She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
