Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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