At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
